Unsent Letters Part #2

"...You're putting a price on our child's head.  Who is to say how much one life is worth?  How much do you think your life is worth?

(I think this next part is a little cheesy)  Well you keep complaining that the old Bekah had left and you wanted her back.  Well living in this house (my older sister's house in Utah) again has reminded me a lot of who I used to be.  I am an aunt who is very well loved.  I am fun to be around and can always distract a crying child.  I have very strong Maternal Instincts.  Taking care of kids is very easy and natural.  It'd have to be for someone to be the best aunt in the world!  (told you it was cheesy)


My 2nd dream in life was to become a mother.  I haven't made up my mind, and I'm still going to go to a counselor to help make this decision (the decision between adoption or raising the child on my own).  But if I do decide to keep this child, I know I'll be an excellent mother.  I already know I'm good at it.  It'll just be easier with my own.  I'll be such a great mother, that's why my nieces and nephews have always wanted me to not have kids.  They thought that my kid would get all the fun.


So whatever person you thought I'd be.  This is one thing I know I can do.  I've been trained since I was eleven when Quoda was born.  Any mother will tell you that it's harder to have patience, love, and understanding with kids that aren't your own.  That's a gift I've always had.  Anyone who knows me can verify that....  Listening is key."


I believe this letter was written before I decided how to proceed with the pregnancy and just after the sperm donor told me that I wasn't qualified to take care of a child.  I believe he challenged my abilities to be a good mother and it obviously caused me to have a great reaction to his words.  Most likely, like some of the more horrible things he had ever said to me, it was all just to get some sort of reaction out of me or to manipulate or control me into doing something he wanted.  At this point he wanted to make sure he wasn't going to be held responsible for the life of the child I was carrying.  I sure know how to pick em huh?


to be continued.....