Utah Round Two!!!

Before I move on with the rest of my road trip, I thought I would take some time to let you know what is going on with me this week.  It's been almost two years since I went back to Utah for the first time and although I had fun with my sister's family and my best friend, it did end in disaster emotionally and because of a fun phone call I received from Marsh's wife pretty much banning me from ever coming to Utah again!  


A little insight into Marsh and his wife- I met Marsh and started dating him 2.5 years before I ended up pregnant, he ended up abandoning me, and I chose adoption.  Shortly after I delivered I found out he married someone a month and a half after I delivered in August of 2007.  When I returned to Utah in May of 2009 for a visit our paths crossed, but we didn't see each other.  Why?  We exchanged maybe 2 texts, he wanted to see me, I only wanted to see my dog and when he said that I wasn't going to be able to see my dog, our convo was over.  A week later when I was somewhere in Oklahoma/Kansas, I got a fun phone call from his wife claiming that I wanted to ruin her life and I was out to get back together with my ex.  NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN!  1. He's married and 2. He's a manipulative, controlling, alcoholic, icky guy that would have to become a saint before I ever even let myself THINK about wanting to get back together with him.  And of course 3.  I chose adoption for many reasons and one of them was to protect the child I was carrying from my ex!  


Anyway!  She called claiming I wanted to get back together with him, which wasn't true, but what struck me most was that she was calling to ask me what our brief exchange was really about and I guess I figured that she obviously doesn't trust him anymore than I had, cause shouldn't his word of been good enough?  If she trusted him then she wouldn't of felt the need to call and ask me about it.  She cursed and I just took it.  Then she banned me from Utah!  HAHAHAHAHA!


So!  Why am I bringing this up?!  Because I'm about to go against her orders and visit my family and best friend on Thursday.  Last time was very emotional and I'm really nervous about this time around.  The reason Marsh found out I was in town last time was because I went and saw my friend Darla.  After I left Utah during my road trip I had to make the hard decision to cut Darla out of my life.  It's sad, cause she was cool and fun but she was also married to Marsh's best friend and I understood that I just needed to cut all ties leading to Marsh on a personal level.  But I'll never cut my best friend and my sister and her family out!  Sorry!


My hope is that I'll be able to go to Utah and leave Utah without being detected by Marsh or anyone he is related to or knows.  


Why am I going back this time?  My niece, Bug, has her state drill team competition in Orem, Utah.  I promised her months ago that if her team went to state that I would come down and watch.  So I plan to spend most of my time at the competition on Friday and Saturday.  I know I won't run into anyone there but I'll probably still spend most of my time on the lookout to dodge anyone that is linked to Marsh and especially Marsh.


Wish Me Luck!


to be continued...  I'll report how things are going Thursday, Friday, and Saturday...  I'll be returning back to the safety of Washington State on Monday!

Two Great Comments From Readers!

In the last post "Quote From My Book" two readers left great comments about that post!  Please Read!  Very touching observations!

Quote from my book!

This was the day after the adoption and I had written in my journal about a letter I had received from Frog Mann's parents -

“He wasn’t sleeping very well in the crib they had, but then they put him in the bed with them and he slept for four hours. She (his mom) seemed very happy with that. She said he didn’t really cry, so that is good. I know he’s eventually going to be in the habit of crying when he needs things, but I’m glad he seems to be mellow tempered. I just want him to be good for them. It’s like a gift, and you always want to try and give the best gift so it’ll be the favorite. Well, he is one major gift and though I don’t want them to love him more than their other child, I want him to be the best he can be for them.”

Grand Canyon/Santa Fe/Roswell/San Angelo

May 7th - Grand Canyon
I saw it from the south side and it was actually just as I expected, HUGE!  I didn't stay long because it was exactly what I thought it was going to be like, I bought souvenirs, stayed in Williams, AZ and headed to Santa Fe, NM!

May 8th - Santa Fe, NM
This was just a pit stop for me, I walked downtown to see all of the little shops, saw a really cool cathedral, took a picture, ate, slept, and drove to Texas via Roswell, NM

May 9th - San Angelo, Tx via Roswell, NM!
Going to Texas from Santa Fe, NM by way of Roswell, NM is a bit of a scenic route, but I couldn't pass up the chance to visit one of the United States weirdest cities!  I visited a couple of the museums, ate at the Spaceship McDonalds and drove the rest of the way to San Angelo, Tx for the night!

Next Stop - San Antonio, TX!

First Stop! Utah

Utah!

When I went through the adoption process I was living in Utah.  4 days after I had given birth, I moved back to Washington and in with my parents. (August 2007)  It took me almost two years to return to Utah for the first time and it scared me!  I didn't know what emotions would climb to the surface just from being in the area that I was during my pregnancy and everything I had gone through with Marsh (sperm donor).  I knew that I wasn't going to be able to avoid it forever because my sister and her family and my best friend still lived there.

So I put Utah at the beginning of my road trip.  I thought that like many things you're afraid of, that it would be scary in anticipation but the experience would be a lot better than you had thought.

I was wrong!

Although I enjoyed my time with my sister's family and my best friend, I found the emotions that came back were much much more painful than I had anticipated and I could not wait to get out of Utah and move on with my road trip!

Some of the things I did in Utah -

Just a few hours after I got into Orem, Utah I went to Friday Kid's Respite!  It's a program where parents of kids that their child needs a lot more attention than any regular kid, can drop their child off for a couple of hours to go and do whatever they want.  Volunteers like myself are paired off with a kid and we're in charge of entertaining them for a few hours.  It was a lot of fun and probably the best way to start off my road trip!

The next morning Ambria (my best friend) and I and a few of her friends ventured off to Salt Lake for a viewing of Star Trek!  On the Imax theater in Salt Lake we were able to view and enjoy the awesome movie a week earlier than it came out in theaters for the public!  LOVED IT!

The rest of my time in Utah was spent with my sister's family where we celebrated my birthday and I enjoyed her fun families energy!  I spent 6 days in Utah.  I arrived on May 1st, 2009 and left on May 7th!

To be continued!  - Next Stop The Grand Canyon

Travelin' Mann!

48 States in 90 Days!

Letter From A Reader

I received this letter late last night, I wanted to share it with all of you! Out of courtesy I will keep the writer anonymous.


"I wanted to thank you for what you did. I was adopted in 93 and i am SO BLESSED! i know that it was so hard to do, but thank you for doing that.Im not your daughter but i can relate to ur child."

Ahhh Mann!

December 26th, 2006

“I don’t want it.”

The stinging and ringing of those thoughtless/harsh words were still echoing in my head as my world turned upside down. I was shocked, yet not as surprised as I should have been when I delivered the news that I was pregnant to my boyfriend of  over two years.

Out of all of the things he could have said, those words weren’t the ones I needed or wanted. Knowing already that he wasn’t going to be excited or overjoyed, anyone in my situation only wants to know they won’t be abandoned; that it’ll all be okay and everything will work out just fine. I didn’t want a marriage proposal, I didn’t want to receive a solution, and I definitely didn’t want to be told what I should do, and what I am capable of in their opinion. All I wanted was to know that WE would work things out TOGETHER!

But! To add to everything else he never offered me, he decided to add “responsibility” to the top.

Typical?

Even though he wasn’t this cold and uncaring man when I fell in love with him, he turned into him.   I don’t know when he stopped caring about me, but it sure seemed to happen very quickly. I didn’t know at that moment, but it was the beginning of a means to an end. The child I was carrying inside me would save my life, grant me courage, and help put my life into focus.

Just Because

Because this is a new blog for me and I've already received over 100 hits, I'm going to add an additional post and will probably decide to post more if interest continues!

Frog Mann

My sister’s second youngest, Wabbai (two), has a great imagination! One of the weeks I was living with them, I had a nice cold and it made my voice all icky-scratchy. I told Wabbai that I had a frog in my throat. He thought that was so cool! Then he decided when my voice got better, that I had swallowed the frog and that was what was growing in my tummy. He also decided that he magically had a frog in his tummy too! That was how the nickname came about for the baby, Frog Mann. We also used the frog in Wabbai's stomach to our advantage, getting him to eat his breakfast, lunch, and dinner, so that his frog wouldn’t get hungry. Just like Bekah Boo. Imagining that we could hear the frog ribbeting in his belly, saying, “Feed me, feed me, rrrribbet!” Wabbai was the comic relief of the family. Unfortunately, most of the time during my stay, he was coming up with things to blame on me; things I didn’t or wouldn’t do. It gave Chubs a little break. Before I moved in, it was his not-yet one-year-old sister who was blamed for knocking the blocks down, taking his toys away, telling him he couldn’t do something, or was just plain getting in the way!

My posts!

Every week I will update my blog with either an entry from my book or an entry from the journal I wrote in while going through the abusive relationship with Marsh, the adoption process, or the years where I struggled with grief after the adoption!